A Heroes Heaven
by crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Dean Winchester has died and come back to life more times than he could count, but he doesn't get that luxury anymore. He is dying and there is no way to save him this time. Where will he go after he dies? Has he earned his place in his own personal heaven or has his rebellion earned him a spot in hell?
1. Are You There God? It's Me Cas!

p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"span style="color: red;"They couldn't even give him his own room. This was all that Castiel remembered thinking when he finally arrived at the hospital. Dean had saved the world more time than he could count, yet he had to share a room. Where was the justice in that? You fight and you fight and you lose everything that has ever meant anything to you, just to be rewarded with some old guy who snores so loud you can barely hear yourself think. Just more proof on the unfairness that is human life./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""I am sorry that it took me so long to get here," Castiel whispered over a sleeping Dean. He had completely become human a little over three years ago. He had finally chosen Dean over everything else. Dean needed him and maybe he needed Dean just as much. That just meant that it took him longer to do things. He could not just pop in and out of nowhere. Worst of all, he could no longer heal Dean. He chose Dean and now he was losing him. Had he made the wrong decision?/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""He hasn't really been awake much today," A familiar voice stepped in, startling Castiel just a bit. "I think he is just trying to save as much energy as he can."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"Castiel looked up from Dean and gave a smile to Grace, Dean's main nurse. She was not really the main nurse, she just seemed to always be the one who was here whenever Castiel was around. Dean had been here for three months, working to get better. Castiel wanted to be by his side but he used his time to search over the earth for answers. Being an ex-angel did not seem to give him an advantage. He was still empty handed and Dean was still dying./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""He is stubborn," Castiel stated very matter-of-fact. He knew that Dean was dying and as much as he did not want it to be true, it was going to happen, no matter how hard he fought at this point. Castiel wished he still believed that things work out but he had lost faith the day he lost his wings./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""That is good," Grace smiled, checking Dean IVs. "The stubborn ones fight the hardest. If anyone can make miracles happen, my money is on the stubborn ones."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""No one is there to make them," Castiel said in a deep voice, his eyes sadly wondering over Dean's limp body./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""Excuse me?" She turned her attention to Castiel, cocking her head to the side questioningly./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""Miracles," Castiel looked back up at her, his blue eyes distant and sad. "There is no one there to make them anymore."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"Grace did not respond to him, unsure of what one would even say to something such as that. She believed in her faith but she also knew that Castiel was going through a hard time right now and that everyone grieved differently. So she simply offered him a smile, rested her hand on his shoulder for a brief moment and then excited the room./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;""No one is there," Castiel said to himself once more, his eyes filling with tears. That was probably the worst feature of being human. He hated the tears./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;" /p 


	2. Is This My Goodbye?

"Cas," Castiel jumped up, almost falling out of his chair. "You came."

Castiel was hurt that Dean thought for even a moment that he would not arrive. Everything that Castiel did was for Dean. He had given up everything that he had ever known for Dean. Who would do that and then disappear when someone needed them the most? Though the track record of people in Dean's life made him push away the hurt and try to be understanding. Now was not the time to feel angry toward Dean.

"Of course I came," Castiel shook his head and repositioned himself in his chair. "I told you on the phone that I would."

Castiel looked over his friend, though he was so much more than that. He did not know how to say what Dean was. He was the human that made him question his existence as an angel. He is the human that made him question God, his father that he had followed blindly for all of his eternity. He was the human that he had clipped his wings for. Was that the definition of just being a friend?

Cas wondered so much about Dean as he looked over his fragile body. He looked physically better. The bruises had faded and the cuts were almost completely gone. It was the things on the inside that held all of the damage. Typical Dean, keeping all of the pain on the inside.

"Did you find anything?" Dean asked, no hope in his voice. He had not believed that Cas was going to find an answer and if he did find an answer, Dean was sure the price for it would not be worth saving his life. If there was one person who understood the consequence of actions it was Dean. Sometimes the risks were not worth it.

"I thought I had a few leads," Castiel was very business in answering his question, something that he was still working on. "None of them showed any real promise. I will keep looking though. I will never stop looking."

"Okay," Dean nodded his head but Castiel knew what he was thinking. He did not have to be an angel to get inside of Dean's head, he knew Dean better than he knew himself. Dean knew he was going to die.

"I will find a way to fix you Dean," Castiel tried to be more assertive in trying to reassure Dean but even he did not believe the words. Did he just give up? Castiel did not figure himself to be someone who gave up that easily. It took a lot to break down his missions and this was his most important one yet.

"I know you will," Dean reached out and placed his hand on top of Castiel's. Castiel flinched to the touch, not because Dean was touching him but because it did not feel like Dean. Dean put power into the things that he did. There was nothing powerful in Dean's touch. It was weak and clammy and cold. It was not Dean, it was the shell of Dean. His Dean was no longer there.

"Do you think Sam is there?" Dean began to speak again, looking Castiel directly in the eye. Castiel could see the tears that Dean was fighting back and he suddenly had to fight tears as well.

"Dean," Castiel tilted his head to the side, trying to make sense of what Dean was sating. "Sam is gone, he is not anywhere that I will be looking."

"But do you think he will be there when I get there?" Dean asked again, making himself a little clearer but not clear enough for Castiel to fully understand.

"When you get where Dean?" Castiel wanted to understand and felt embarrassment that he didn't. He knew that he was slower than most when it came to certain things but he really needed to understand.

"Heaven?" Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Or hell. You think I am going to hell Cas?"

"No," Castiel was stern and sat up straight in his chair. "You are not dying. But if you were, you would not be going to hell. You deserve so much more than hell."

"Doesn't mean I am going to heaven," Dean stared off at the wall on the other side of the room. "I don't really deserve heaven. I've done more bad things that I would like to think about. Those things don't get people into heaven."

"Dean," Castiel began, reaching out to put his other hand on top of Deans, sandwiching it in. "You are not…"

"I thought you were dead," Dean interrupted.

"I am not dead Dean," Castiel tried to get Dean's attention but he continued to look away.

"You of all people should know that dead doesn't mean forever," Tessa stood over the edge of Dean's bed, smiling down at him. "It was like a horrible vacation."

"Rained the whole time?" Dean asked with a slight laugh.

"Pretty much," she laughed back, though she wished she was somewhere else completely. There was a time that she wanted to help Dean move on but then she grew to like him and now she wished it was anyone but him.

"Dean I don't understand," Castiel shook Dean's hand hard, pulling his attention back to him. "What are you talking about?"

"I love you man," Dean gave Castiel a weak smile before turning his head back toward the wall. "I'm ready."

"Dean," Castiel was panicked, his heart racing as the machines started to go crazy. "Dean?"

Castiel stood up and hovered over his friend, shaking him to get his attention back but there was no response. The only thing Cas got was a loud beeping in his ear that hurt all the way into the pit of his stomach. Soon he was surrounded by nurses and doctors. They pushed him out of the way until he was no longer in the room.

"Dean?" He screamed though the door. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. He knew the feeling of throwing up and hoped it would not happen, but he did not trust in anything anymore. "I'll just wait here then."


	3. Was It All A Dream?

Dean threw his hands up over his eyes to block the light out. It was so bright that it made his eyes feel like they were burning out of his head. Light was supposed to be what was good but this light felt like it was boiling his insides and ripping him to shreds. There was nothing good about this feeling. He hated the light.

 _Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Dean sat completely up in his dead, sweat rolling off of his forehead. That was the fifth time this month that he had, had this dream. It was always the same dream too. Nothing ever changed, from the way things looked to the way that it tasted and smelt. Yet every time it felt unfamiliar, as if it were all completely new to him.

He was walking in the middle of nowhere, nothing but grassland and trees. It was quiet, not even a bug to buzz in his ears. The sun was hanging hot overhead and there was not a cloud to be seen.

Off in the distance, Dean could see something that resembled a house but as he got closer to it, he realized that it was a barn. There were no animals to signify that a barn should be here or a house for its owner to live, it was just a barn. It takes him forever to figure out how to get the door opening, pushing and pulling with all of his strength and yet it does not budge.

Finally he gives up trying to get in the barn and turns around to walk away. A loud crash always stops him from taking his first step and he turns back to the barn, only to have the door wide open. It is at this point that he gets scared, unsure if he should enter the barn but he always does. He always finds his feet moving against his fear and soon he is standing right in the middle of the barn. It is dark and dirty and smells of musk.

Soon there is this high pitched scream. He covers his ears trying to stop the splitting the migraine that takes over his head. He wants to run away but when he starts to run there is this bright light in his path. At first it is not so bad but the closer that it gets to him the brighter it gets until he cannot breathe. His eyes and his skin begin to burn and it feels like he is boiling alive and then … nothing.

That is as far as Dean gets before his alarm wakes him up. Every time like clockwork his alarm wakes him up from the exact same place in his Dean. Every time he questions why this is but soon he brushes it off and rolls out of bed. Today is no different from those other days.


End file.
